Gloom Şiiri - Yusuf Berkman

Autumn is exactly what it means—the fall of the year,
The finest blueprints of loneliness and goodbyes appear.
This season cracks the door to grief, saying hello to the departures...
Even though my hands freeze, I don’t put 'em in my pockets no more,
My weary body thinks it’s warming up, but I'm freezing to the core.
Lying to myself again, keeping up the disguise,
Just walking down a road that stretches out before my eyes.
Wish I knew where I was heading, but I'm lost in the dark,
Chasing the ghost of your smile, looking for a single spark.
Clouds heavy above me, will the rain start drizzle?
The odds are low, just like the chance of us being official. I know I'm cold, my hands are left to their own devices...
An old school hook is stuck in my head, battling my vices,
Whispering to myself on loop: "Don’t you cry."
My feelings packed up and moved out a long time ago,
They gave up on me just like that, left me in the shadow,
At a muddy turning point of my youth, they left me below.
I write these raw lines, don't know if it's poetry or prose, the bars just flow and overflow.
From ATL to NYC, ATL to Chicago, between ATL and wherever you chose to go...
Should I light up another cigarette? After you left, what kind of fresh start speeds me to my death? When will this knot in my throat finally untie? Will I ever cut my hair as the days go by?
Will I ever catch a break and taste happiness again?
How much longer must I walk these lonely streets alone?
How many steps after you until my lost self is known?
It’s been so long since I wrote a line without spilling a tear,
But I know the hidden smile inside a teardrop, loud and clear. Waving from a distance, gesturing, calling out my name...
"Yo poet, come with me, walk into the flame!" my devil shouts my name.
I stumble in the dark; the white fades out, the black runs deep,
Drowning in your absence—and it ain’t the first secret I keep.
A pile of ashes sits right in the middle of my track... and a Phoenix rises from the black!
How many times has it died? How many times did it make a comeback?
I see my own name pinned up on the scoreboard...
"Wipe those tears from your eyes, keep your head up, poet, walk out that door."
And man, I'm freezing. Am I cursed to face this autumn all alone?
Why is it that when the leaves fall, I'm the only one turning to stone?